THINKING OF YOU

Comparisons are easily done Once you've had a taste of perfection Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one,
I still got the seed You said move on, where do I go?
I guess second best is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you (Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night)
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer in the middle of winter Like a hard candy with a surprise center
How do I get better once I've had the best? You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test

He kissed my lips,
I taste your mouth, oh! (Taste your mouth)
He pulled me in,
I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night (Spending the night, spending the night) Oh, I wish that I was looking into You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
(Thinking of you, thinking of you)
Thinking of you, what you would do If you were the one who was spending the night
(Spending the night, spending the night) Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes Oh, won't you walk through?
And bust in the door and take me away?
Oh, no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

so, what is it this time? thinking of someone??yes....the song lyric id pretty much similar to my situation except i dont regret about anything. i juz think of someone that i dont deserve and that someone is not available and that someone is making me falling for that someone self. is it that bad to fall for someone u dont deserve or someone unavailable. someone attached is what i mean. sigh...... i dont know why r those attached people keep on coming to me and make me fall for them and in the end i'll be the one who will suffer the pain and get hurt and stuck up in my small room thinking of that someone and blaming myself for not be able to restrain myself from falling for that unavailable someone. it sounds stupid, no actually i am stupid for allowing myself to get emotionally involved with that someone that has made it clear that we're only for bonk. yeah bonk, that's all. i think i must have my own rules for dating and bonk. i'm a very sexual person and i hardly get emotionally involved with my sex partner. but sometimes i do let things out of control and resulting frustration and guilty pleasure which is making me feel even worse about my pathetic single life that is clearly not going well so far. i think i should stop thinking bout others and now focus more on me. yeah me.

i just dont get it why are those people who come to me tend to be attached. and some of them are begging for my attention instead of their partner. i try to sit in their seat, but i see things differently from them. i see myself kind of doing something to attract my partner's attention rather than others.and i see myself avoiding others just to get to my partner. hurmmmmm weird but that's how i see things. is it my lens or is there anyone else see things the way i do? i wish i'm not alone. i cant be alone. there must be someone else out there to see things the way i do. hopefully.

well now i am still trying to get rid of this attached- unavailable- romantic- heart filling- making me thinking of that someone- person out of my mind. not totally because we promised to be friends. i just want the feelings to go away and be replaced by something more to friendship.

i wish.........

stolen.......

STOLEN

Churaliya he (Stolen)

You were my eyes when i couldn't see,
you were my air when i couldn't breathe,
but you always knew what you meant to me,
(yeaah.ah,ah)
You were my strength when i was down,
and you made me humble when i wouldn't bow,
I held on to your promise that you'd be around,
(ah,ah...ah,ah)

Where were you when i was alright,
tell me, did you knew I was alright,
you, left me thinking I'd be alright,
wont you come back to me,
Ohhh..
It's crazy but i'm falling apart,
It's crazy how your leaving me scarred,
It's crazy girl wherever you are,
you stole, my heart

It's crazy but I'm going insane,
feeling lost confused and ashamed,
It's crazy, hope your feeling my pain,
you stole, my heart

(Stolen)
Just like a moment....
(Stolen)
you never owned it,
(Stolen)
you took away my heart,

I was feeling lost in my own world,
neglecting your needs only once girl,
If only we could try again once more,
ohhh..(Ohh..)
Now It's the same sad story that we all know,
how lovers make mistakes watch it all blow,
now i don't wanna be the one to let it all go.... nooo



(Stolen)
Just like a moment....
(Stolen)
you never owned it,
(Stolen)
you took away my heart,
(ah,ah...ah,ah..)

No man can live without blood running through his veins,
(through his veins)
and it's hard to remember the summer now here is rain
I don't know how much longer that i can wait
It's a thin line... between love and hate,
Oh-whoa-whoaaaa...

It's crazy but i'm falling apart,
It's crazy how your leaving me scarred,
It's crazy girl wherever you are,
you stole, my heart

It's crazy but I'm going insane,
feeling lost confused and ashamed,
It's crazy, hope your feeling my pain,
you stole, my heart

(Stolen)
Just like a moment....
(Stolen)
you never owned it,
(Stolen)
you took away my heart,
(ah,ah...ah,ah..)

(Stolen)
Just like a moment....
(Stolen)
you never owned it,
(Stolen)
you took away my heart,

(ah,ah...ah,ah..)

so this time, what has been stolen? definitely not money, well if money is stolen, i wont b writing to u. car?hurmmm i dont have one, but i my car is stolen, i will go to the police station. it's my
HEART.
how can it be stolen?have i been neglecting it? or may be because i take care of it too much that it rebels. there's no certainty but one thing for sure, my heart is stolen. i know and i'm fully aware that it is slipping away through my fingers but i do nothing to avoid. i let it go. fall into the wrong hand. not that the person is bad or ruthless, but that person is too sweet. so weet and making me feel so good. well i should not complain if it makes me feel good, should i? now here's the catch, this person is someone else's lover. now you guys know. it's never easy to fall for the wrong person. and to be honest, my heart is not stolen, but i hand it to that person. i think he accepts it but not in the way that i wish. hopefully one day soon he'll see more than i am now and by that time, my heart will be stolen in the way i wish it to be by the right person at the right time.......
I PRAY FOR THAT

DENIAL

hurmmmm.....strong word......many people r having this without knowing that they r. i'm one of those who r lucky enough to know that i'm in this state of uncertainty. i always know what i want. i never really care bout what people say or the consequences of my irrational and greedy action to have something that i want. well i cant really call it greedy bcoz i grab the chance that pass by right in front of my eyes while i'm fully energised. so, it's a natural reaction of human being to be competitive and optimist. i am. i always am. it's a bit inhumane but natural. animal instinct that humans adopt and claim it to be theirs.

so what is this denial in me all about? falling for someone. that not wrong. the fact that the person is emotionally attached to someone and that peerson loves the lover so deeply. let's call the person L. so, this L person has a lover which is away (of course somewhere on earth). so i met L n i'm fully aware of L's status. at first i wish it's a total physical affection and temporary pleasure that will go away juz like that by the wind. unluckily, i broke my own rule (well never been stated but i hav my rules). no hang out wif ur physical partner. sigh. people make mistake n it cant b undone. so as i try to move on, not trying to avoid the mistake, i kept on doing it for the past one week. juz in one week. i have developed a thin stupid layer of something close to love. not yet there but almost there. i'm not trying to get there but i wish to b there...somehow.................

so, this thing that keeps me awake is making me sick now. i told L. i let it out of my chest, wishing it will go away juz like water flowing down the drain. smoothly. but it's not simple. i have expectations. n that makes it even more complicated that i expected it to be. COMPLICATED. yes, everyone hates complication but it happens. now it's my turn to swim in it. to get ashore. there's no guaranty i'll b safe but if i struggle a little harder, i might have increased the chance to b safe but on which is another complication for me to look into. arghhhhhhhh complicated, it is. so, L responded very well but not didnt meet my expectation. frustration n embarrassment. no!not embarrassment. i cant get embarrassed for telling how do i feel bout someone. i hav the right to express my preference n feelings towards someone that i feel deserve my attention. (or actually i'm trying to get attention from-denial). this will b over in no time hopefully.

Over and Over
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (Alicia Keys)
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (Keyshia Cole)
It’s the way it is


Baby I remember
a time when we were so secure but
Now it’s like December
when you say that I’m so insecure and
I gotta get away
cause’ your making me weak
It’s keeping me trapped (keeping me trapped)
I gotta be a fool
sitting here tryna get that old thing back (thing back oh)
Oh


You use to keep your word
was one who always did what you said
You use to speak to me so sweet
with something caring to say
Oh, you don’t even try no more
Oh, you don’t even care no more


I don't wanna love you
don’t wanna need you
just wanna leave you (I swear)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)


It’s like I hate to love ya
a charade we play time after time (time after time)
It's like ya love to see me
confused and a mess I’m losing my mind (I’m losing my mind)
I gotta get away
cause’ your making me weak
It’s keeping me trapped (keeping me trapped)
I gotta be a fool
sitting here tryna get that old thing back (thing back oh)
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh


You use to keep your word
was one who always did what you said
You use to speak to me so sweet
with something caring to say
Oh, you don’t even try no more
Oh, why you don’t care no more


I don't wanna love you
don’t wanna need you
just wanna leave you (I swear)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)
Hey


LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (La,La,La,La)
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (No I don’t wanna here it no more)
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (All the lies, Oh)
LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa (You, You, You use to)


You use to keep your word (hey)
was one who always did what you said (baby you cared)
You use to speak to me so sweet (so sweet)
with something caring to say (oh)
Oh, you don’t even try no more
Oh, why you don’t care no more


I don't (I don't) wanna love you
don’t wanna (no) need you
just wanna (I wanna) leave you (I swear)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)
I just want it to be over (Hey)


I don't (Oh) wanna love you
don’t wanna need you
just wanna (don’t wanna) leave you (I swear)
I just want it to be over (I just want it to be over)
I just want it to be over (Can it be over?)

Over and Over!

this song has not much to do with my situation but somewhere in the lyrics, i dedicate it to L. hope u'r not reading this.....

THIS STATE OF DENIAL WILL END SOON





that's my promise.hopefully i wont break it.




mwahxxxx
adam

........heartless.............

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so, cold as the winter wind when it breeze, yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You know need to watch the way you talkin' to me, yo
I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me
And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely


In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil, you bringin' out a side of me that I dont know..
I decided we weren't gon' speak so
Why we up 3 A.M. on the phone
Why does she be so mad at me fo'
Homie I dont know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, I won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go
You run and tell your friends that you're leaving me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me


In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin', talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you
So I got something new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies
I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night...

In the night, I hear 'em talk,
the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless..
How could you be so heartless?
Oh.. How could you be so heartless?

hurmmmmm where do i start this.....
so many words in the world to describe bout this stupid destructive feeling that keeps me falling apart everytime i think bout it. i wanna have something that i used to have. something everyone wanna have but almost half of them failed and crumble in a very deep idiot n irreparable condition. broken. soon i'll be joining those people. i can avoid it. i should avoid it. i would avoid it. in only i'm wise enough. but i'm too dumb, juz like the others. well everyone is a fool whne it comes to this unconditional thing. yeah unconditional that makes lots of people drowned for the temporary sweetness that only comes for a short moment to kill the people's heart. end up heartless.

i dont wanna be heartless. i'm a heartful person. i'm overflow with affection. i need to share it. i hav to share it. i must share it. but i havent yet found the right person or may be the timing is wrong for the right ones. or there will never be right time for the right ones. or i'm not meant to have it. i think, i'll end up heartless..............

ugly,unpretty and unattractive........

She’s so big hearted
But not so remarkable
Just an ordinary humble girl
Expecting nothing as we’re made to think
It’s a pretty person’s world


But you are beautiful
And you better go show it
So go look again
You gotta be true to your own
If you really wanna go to the top
Do you really wanna win
Don’t believe in leaving normal
Just to satisfy demand

Well if you wanna get free
And if you wanna do the passionate thing
And if you wanna get smart
For the sake of your heart and all
You should own your name
And stand up tall and get real
And see the beauty in ugly


Well you are fresh
Your face is fabulous
Don’t forget you’re one of a kind
When nobody’s checking the deeds you’ve done
And nobody’s hearing your cries
You make all the fashion statements
Just by dressing up your mind


And if you wanna get free
And if you wanna do the passionate thing
And if you wanna get smart
For the sake of your heart and all
You should own your name
And stand up tall and get real
And see the beauty in ugly
And see the beauty in ugly


Well if you wanna get free
And if you wanna do the passionate thing
And if you wanna get smart
For the sake of your heart and all
You should own your name
And stand up tall and get real
And see the beauty in ugly
And see the beauty in ugly

When I was 7

They said I was strange

I noticed that my eyes and hair weren't the same

I asked my parents if I was OK

They said you're more beautiful

And that's the way they show they wish

They had your smile

So my confidence was up for a while

I got real comfortable with my own style

I knew that they were only jealous cos

People are all the same

And we only get judged by what we do

My personality reflects me

And if I'm ugly then

So are you

So are you

There was a time when I felt like I cared

That I was shorter than everyone there

People made me feel like life was unfair

And I did things that made me ashamed

Cos I didn't know my body would change

I grew taller than them in more ways

But there will always be the one who will say

Something bad to make them feel great

People are all the same

And we only get judged by what we do

My personality reflects me

And if I'm ugly then

So are you

So are you

People are all the same

And we only get judged by what we do

My personality reflects me

And if I'm ugly then

So are you

So are you

Everybody talks bad about somebody

And never realises how it affects somebody

And you bet it won't be forgotten

Envy is the only thing it could be

Cos people are all the same

(The same, the same)

And we only get judged by what we do

(What we do, yeah, yeah)

My personality reflects me

And if I'm ugly then (Yeah, you)

So are you

So are you

People are all the same

(Oh, oh, oh)

And we only get judged by what we do

(What we do, yeah)

My personality reflects me

And if I'm ugly then

(Yeah, so are you)

So are you

So are you

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes

Make you feel unpretty too

I was told I was beautiful

But what does that mean to you

Look into the mirror who's inside there

The one with the long hair

Same old me again today (yeah)

My outsides look cool

My insides are blue

Every time I think I'm through

It's because of you

I've tried different ways

But it's all the same

At the end of the day

I have my self to blame

I'm just trippin

You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up

That MAC can make

But if you can't look inside you

Find out who am I to

Be in a position to make me feel

So damn unpretty

I'll make you feel unpretty too

Never insecure until I met you

Now I'm bein stupid

I used to be so cute to me

Just a little bit skinny

Why do I look to all these things

To keep you happy

Maybe get rid of you

And then I'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides look cool

My insides are blue

Everytime I think I'm through

It's because of you

I've tried different ways

But it's all the same

At the end of the day

I have myself to blame

Keep on trippin

You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up

That MAC can make

But if you can look inside you

Find out who am I to

Be in a position to make me feel

So damn unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up

That MAC can make

But if you can look inside you

Find out who am I to

Be in a position to make me feel

So damn unpretty

I'll make you feel unpretty to(I'll make u feel unpretty too)

Oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh (oh)

Oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh (oh)

You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up

That MAC can make

But if you can look inside you

Find out who am I to

Be in a position to make me feel

So damn unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won't grow

You can fix your nose if he says so

You can buy all the make-up

That MAC can make

But if you can look inside you

Find out who am I to

Be in a position to make me feel

So damn unpretty

I'll make you feel unpretty too