GONE

Gone

It was a breezy morning and the wind seems to caress my skin very softly. The sun is rising in the East and spreading its golden ray all over the world and not even once inch is excluded form its generous and lively glitter. The ants that never stop from working is lining up on the dead tree cheerfully say hello to the bright and shiny day. The damp and rough bark is a very good track for them to walk on. But me, I’m walking this path all alone with no destination and no intention to find one.
The jogging track is quiet. It is a good morning to do a lot of activities but the chilled weather has covered the human with thousands of pleasure in their sleep and they are all now sailing to the island of dreams. Dreams that no one knows will ever be true or not. As for me, dream is the last thing I need. Dream has brought me here on this splendid morning that everyone has always wished for. I follow my steps wherever it takes me. My feet is my master when this numbness is covering me and I will only get myself back on when I am too far drowned in my never ending loneliness and fantasy with no edge.
Sometimes, I wonder why am I doing this to myself. I should have something better to do other than reminiscing for something I have lost and will never ever get back. I cannot lead my own way, I cannot bring the light to my life, and I cannot see the way I did before. I do not have hope. Sigh. The cool breeze comes again and it soothes my tensed skin form the hot burning sunshine. My thought is nowhere around me. It’s everywhere. The calm surface of the lake seems to reflect my expression, empty and lost, but deep inside there are just so many things that is moving rapidly, non-stop like the particles bombing in the heart of the water.
The day is getting hotter. The burning sun is more than a fire ball that will burn everything in its way. The damp weather just now has become very dry. The chirping birds on the tree have left its nest to find what’s left the earth has to offer. Mother Nature has never disappointed any of us. We always disappoint her. She gives her everything form the ground to the sky, they are all belong to us and it is up to us to use it our way. We always want to be pretentious and indulgent and end up wasting what we have owned. I have lost what I have and this is not my first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last for me to let people down. I let my precious belongings slipped through my fingers even I know that I’m losing it. I did not do anything to stop it. Classic me. In fact, it is a classic attitude of human beings to let things they own slip away swiftly like the wind.
I used to have my own life. A very good and wonderful life that anyone in the world will trade anything for it. Life that filled with love, laugh, care, joy and happiness. Life was beautiful and I’m willing to give up everything to get it back in return but time envies me and it’s all now gone. Gone and dead. I have no more life to live as she left. One second, she was here right in front of my eyes, laughing joyfully, holding my hands firmly and speaks the language of love. Her voice is serenade that generates energy in my muscle and sinew and keeps me going all the time. Her smile is my drug that keeps my heart beating and keeps me addicting to her. Her touch is like smooth and soft like silk that appeases me at sleep. Her kiss is soft and tender that no man will stop craving for it once he gets it. Now, she is gone. “I miss her”.
She is no angel. She is magnificent and demure and she’s a girl of mine. I do not own her, she is lent to me and now that she’s gone and never come back. At one point, I wonder why did she come into my life if she wanted to leave me all alone, abruptly. The long walk has given me the answer and the numbness has made me even more sensitive than I ever was before.
I’m still walking this path, collecting the memories that we have carved together. Memories that will bring her to me no matter where I go or what I do. Every steps that I make, brings me closer to her. I know the journey will not be easy for me to go through alone but somewhere along the way, she’ll be waiting for me with arms wide open, welcoming me to her world. It will be a long and lonely road, I know. But to get to her, I will give everything that I have and I know the juice is worth squeezing for. And when I get to her, all the burden on my shoulder will turn into colourful butterflies that will colour our world with thousands of happiness that will eternally be ours.
Quietly, the sun sets and leaves the world to the night that full with mystery. Loneliness will again fill the night and the darkness will kill the joy and happiness and only suffer and despair left. I will survive the night just to see another day with sunlight and the rewards it has to offer for the journey to see my loved one.